::attitude with a capital A::

I think it's time for my annual " I know that school is coming but I don't want it to come, because I love being at home and I deplore change." blog post. This year will finally be something and some place I have experienced before. But it is still that awful "c" word

Now, I could go on about how much I love home and how uncomfortable this change in particular makes me. But, I also know I have written about that and I am fairly certain that come September and October I will be writing about that again, since Autumn makes me all sorts of sentimental.

I guess I wanted to write this post to admit a few things. Things that I have been mulling over for the last few weeks as the wall of dread I tend to build has been getting higher and higher. So basically it kinda sorta (ok totally) comes down to my attitude. It's not just that I don't like school and being away from home, that gets me down, its a deep dark nagging attitude that I recently uncovered-I don't want to like it. I don't even want to want to like it, and I could probably go on! Twisted, I know. While my feelings of dread and uncomfortableness are very real I can't really say that I expect them to go anywhere. I love my life at home, with my family. I pray for the week ahead to not drag, all so I can jump in my Jimmy, drive the 80 miles home for that "walk into my home after 4 whole days away" feeling. During the school year I basically live for my evenings with Senor Smarty Pants and my weekends in my home. And yes. I do realize this lifestyle cannot continue forever.

So while spending time in prayer on my way home from Senor Smarty Pant's this all occurred to me, like a lightbulb turning on. I am not praying for the correct things. Instead of prayers for an enjoyable school year I need to be starting with a prayer for my deep, dark, nasty, nagging attitude. Guide me to want to want to like school...because I want to want to like school?...I'm still not so sure about it...I'll just keep praying.


No comments:

Post a Comment