What I Didn't Know

I'm feeling a little misty eyed tonight. Yet joyful. Tomorrow is Millie's first birthday. There, I said it out loud. I keep glancing at the clock and mentally saying "Last year at this time..." a tic I'm sure isn't helping my coping skills. But here we are, one year out of pregnancy, birth, and baby. While I look at the clock the thought crosses my mind, "Oh the things I didn't know."

I didn't know I would jump into the role of mother as if I had always been one.

I didn't know saying the words "She's ours" would make my heart leap out of my chest yet give me such peace.

I didn't know a tiny being could make so much dang laundry.

I didn't know watching a Daddy and a daughter is about the sweetest thing there ever was and ever will be.

I didn't know smiles, coos, rolling, sitting up, standing, walking, talking, and kisses-oh the kisses, were going to be the highlights in my own year.

I didn't know I would put the potholders away 578 times a day.

I didn't know I could go an entire year without a full nights sleep and survive. But I did!

I didn't know she would be a girl, that her name would be Millie, and that she would make me wonder what I ever did without her.

Finding the words to express the work, the emotion, and the wonder of this thing called motherhood is honestly beyond me. There is just so much I didn't know on that ride, at this exact time, last year. And that was a little a lot scary. But now?

Oh what I know now.

Happy Birthday-Eve my girl. I promise I won't always be this nostalgic. At least not publicly.


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